


The Love We Leave Behind

by Punk_n_Sass



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Childhood Sweethearts, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Human AU, I tried to keep history relevant, Loss, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Minor Spamano - Freeform, Super weird time line, Temporary Amnesia, altered ages, gerita - Freeform, good luck keeping up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:29:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Punk_n_Sass/pseuds/Punk_n_Sass
Summary: When a little blond boy heads off to war, abandoning the one he loves, he has no idea that he will never return like he promises. Years pass and the lover that was left behind is a grown man. A familiar flash of blond hair passes him in the market place. Could it be the one who left him all those years ago? Why doesn't he remember anything?





	1. The Past Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome readers! I present to you, my first Gerita fanfic. It's going to be a long one. I'll hopefully be posting monthly at the very least but my goal is Sundays weekly. Please be patient with me as my inspiration comes and goes with no warning. Please Enjoy!

A little blond haired boy was walking along a dirt path. Even though he was accompanied by many soldiers, he still felt lonely. He had left behind the one person he really wanted with him at that moment. There had been no choice. This boy was part of a war now, he was forced to leave his beloved in a place he would never return to. His family had to leave when the war broke out. He wouldn’t remember he had ever been there to begin with. This boy would never see the one he loved again.

Even though this boy loved someone very dearly, they had never given each other their real names. This someone happened to be a servant of a wealthy ruler. A tiny ball of energy with deep caramel eyes and brunette hair to match that contained a single gravity defying curl. They loved each other, this was an undeniable fact. The blond spent every waking moment following the little servant around.

~~~

The day was just like any other. Two little children pattering through a huge house. One with a broom and one following behind, watching intently.

“Why do you work for that horrible Rodrich? You could easily work for me! I’d never treat you badly and I’d give you much more food than what he does,” The blond boy tried once again in a feeble attempt to take his loved one away from Roderich. He saw the man as too cruel for such a cute boy to be obeying.

“You already know why I can’t go with you. Grandpa’s will left me here, I have no choice until I am older,” A thick Italian accent coated the smaller boy’s words. “Besides, I don’t mind. Elizabeta is really nice to me.”

“But she puts you in girls clothing! It’s just wrong!” Piercing blue eyes met with a melted caramel.

The younger boy twirled around in a green dress given to him by Elizabeta, another servant working under Roderich. She was much older than the other servants in the house. The woman cared for the young Italian boy and he loved her very much in an older sister kind of way. She loved to dress him up in her old clothes, not that he had much of a choice. He barely had any clothes of his own. But he didn’t mind since he loved all the bright colors of women's clothing.

“I like these dresses though. They make me look pretty, don’t you think?” The little boy giggled and went back to his cleaning duties.

The blue eyed boy blushed, “Well… Yes, I can’t deny that.”

Even though he thought it was weird for the younger boy to be prancing around in dresses, he really didn’t hate it. They added to the Italian boy’s charm.

They continued like that for the rest of the day. The servant finished his cleaning just as usual and the blond followed him around while they talked about more meaningless things. It was peaceful. The atmosphere was always calm when they were together.

This was a normal day for them; every morning, the sparkly blue eyed boy would walk to his beloved’s room to wake him up and help him with his chores. They would talk for hours on end while the younger boy cleaned. Sometimes the master of the house, Roderich, would begin playing the piano around noon. Despite how strict he was with his underlings, he did have his moments when he was kind to them. Even though he didn’t like the blonde boy much, Roderich would invite both the boys to come listen to the music.

When the piano began playing, their favorite time together would begin. They would dance together while music flooded the room. The small Italian had tried to teach the other boy how to dance, but he had failed time and time again. The blond boy was clumsy and appeared to have two left feet, yet would still give in to when the other wanted to dance. They would twirl in circles within the small piano room. Green skirts fluttered elegantly over the younger boys legs and the servants soft footsteps drowned out by the heavier clunking of boots.

Even Roderich had the heart to chuckle at his attendant’s attempt to teach his admirer how to dance. Elizabeta would bring in snacks at around noon for everyone to share. After lunch, the boys would go back to cleaning until sunset. In the evenings, the servants would make dinner. The brown haired boy had a special talent for cooking. He was the head of the kitchen and always picked out the ingredients.

~~~

The memory, although one of the best the blue eyed boy had, burned harshly in his mind as he continued along the dirt path. He cursed his family for making him leave everything behind so suddenly. There was barely any time to prepare before they were to set out. Even though the boy was young, roughly twelve years old, he was forced into training until he was of age to fight.

With every step he took, the boy had more memories of the little Italian he left behind. Every moment they had spent together flooded back to him. Every memory that had been carefully filed away in his mind came to the forefront in a flash. The days they spent taking care of the house, days they tended the gardens together, the treasured days that the caramel eyed boy had off. They would go down to the river near the house on these off days. There they would swim and laugh all day long until they got exhausted, then they would rest under the shade trees. The younger boy would fall asleep resting on the other’s shoulder while the older ran his fingers through that silky brown hair. All the events whirled past until it came to the one from the day he left. This memory in particular went by in what felt like slow motion.

~~~

“Why are you leaving?” The boy with the curl asked.

“I have no choice, I have to leave to train for war,” The blue eyed boy took the other’s hands in his.

“I don’t understand,” The younger boy replied. Tears were welling up in his eyes.

The older child wiped them away. He bit his own tongue to keep himself from crying. It was crucial that he stayed strong. “You’ll understand one day,” His voice was betraying him. It cracked mid-sentence with agony.

“When will you come back?” The boy cried.

“I don’t know, but I promise that I will come back to you,” His watery blue eyes seemed like they would spill over at any second.

He pulled his childhood sweetheart close and hugged him tight. He cupped the brunette’s cheek in his hand and tilted his head towards his own. The kiss they shared was gentle, wet with tears, and full of love.

“I love you, and I will come back. I promise.”

“I’ll wait here until you do.”

And with that, the older boy turned and left without another word.

~~~

Tiny tear drops hit the dusty ground with barely noticeable pattering sounds. He hadn’t noticed when he started crying. The blond rubbed his eyes, trying to make it stop. He couldn’t cry, not now. He could cry when he finally got back, but out of happiness rather than despair.

No one else noticed his lamenting. He felt alone in his thoughts even with other people walking right next to him. He didn’t care though, it was because of these people that he was sent away. Anger forced the memories out of his mind. It was hard for this boy to become angry, so it was clear that something was wrong and unjust. He vowed that he would be the one to make it right. He told himself he would be the one to win this war when it was his turn to fight. He would end anyone who got between him and his beloved.

The boy’s eyes darkened and a crease formed on his forehead out of outrage. This was no longer anger he felt, it was fury, hatred, he would go so far as to call it rage. It was all directed at the people around him and on the enemy he would soon face. This would be what fueled him now.

His scowl deepened as he thought to himself,  _ Wait for me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll be back soon. _


	2. Little Feliciano

That little caramel eyed, brown haired, Italian boy’s true name is Feliciano Vargas. He never told his childhood sweetheart because it was part of a game. They were trying to guess each other's names. Neither one of them had ever won the game before they separated and they had both forgotten to confess their names last minute.

Even though the blond boy promised Feliciano that he would return, his heart swelled with doubt. He had little trust in people returning to him when they left. This was not the first time war had separated him from someone he loved. His Grandfather had died in war. Feliciano, at the tender age of eight, and his own older brother of two years, Lovino Vargas, had been left in the care of Roderich. Yet, it wasn’t long until Lovino showed his true colors to their master and Lovino declared too troublesome to take care of. Feliciano’s only remaining family member, his fratello, was given to a man from Spain who he later discovered adorned the name Antonio Fernandez Carriedo.

Feliciano was left alone. He had felt abandoned until that bright blue eyed boy found him. He finally felt loved again and it had been taken away. The little Italian boy sat on the hard ground in the place his beloved had left him. Tears bubbled up in his eyes and fell to the ground with a soft ‘plop’. He didn’t look up when Roderich had come to find him.

“I’d say good riddance. That boy was a nuisance. He’s too clumsy, most likely he’ll die once he begins fighting,” Roderich spat.

Feliciano still didn’t look up.

“Come back to the house now. You need to finish cleaning,” The Austrian took Feliciano by the hand and lifted him to his feet. He was drug along back to the house where he continued on with his cleaning duties.

Already, he missed the sound of the other boys voice and heavy footsteps behind him while he worked. It was much too quiet now. The sound of his broom scraping across the floor was eerie in the empty hallway.

Elizabeta came by with snacks, but Feliciano declined the offer. He wasn’t hungry, which was all the proof Elizabeta needed to know something was wrong.

“What’s the matter Feli?” She set the plate on a nearby table and knelt down to look Feliciano in the eyes.

The tears came once again. Feliciano couldn’t stop to explain what had happened. Elizabeta hugged him close, trying to calm him down. His tiny hands balled into fists gripping onto her skirts. His muffled cries quickly turned to wails. Elizabeta, being the gentle and patient girl that she was, held Feliciano in her lap until he calmed down enough to talk.

“The boy that was always here had to go away for the war. I don’t think he’ll be back. I’m all alone again,” Feliciano stuttered through sniffles.

“You know that’s not true. He loves you and I’m sure that he will be back before you know it,” Elizabeta patted his head and eventually he stopped crying.

Once Feliciano had calmed down, dried his eyes and regained his composure, he asked for the snacks with the same bright eyes and full smile everyone was used to. The cleaning was done at a much faster pace for the rest of the following days. Without all the chatter, Feliciano finished in half the time, but this left him with too much free time that allowed his mind to wander.

Roderich still played the piano, but Feliciano no longer danced. Instead, he devoted the time to drawing. His pencil flicked across his sketch book to the tune of the music. Songs that used to sound so peaceful were filled with melancholy. Every day after Roderich had finished his melodies, a new drawing would be finished in Feliciano's book. They were all beautiful drawings of the same blond hair, blue eyed boy. The occasional page would be accented with tear stains.

There seemed to be no end to Feliciano's sadness. Not a week after his beloved’s departure, he received news that his adopted brother Francis was on his way to the same war. By this point, Feliciano was much too numb to shed any more tears. He knew that Francis would be back. He had been injured in many previous battles, but he always managed to come back home in no time.

Francis had been adopted into Feliciano’s small and broken family. Although it was more like Feliciano had been adopted by Francis. The Frenchman wanted to take custody over Feliciano, but without his Grandfather’s word, Feliciano was forced to follow Roderich’s orders. This didn’t stop Francis from inviting Feliciano over regularly though.

Now even his closest friend was gone. Months went by with the same feelings in the house. Little Feliciano hardly ever smiled. Occasionally, he would dance or draw, but it was just to keep the talent from getting rusty. Antonio hadn’t came to visit for financial business with the master of the house, so Feliciano hadn’t seen Lovino in months. He wondered how he was fairing living in Spain working as a servant much like the younger brother himself.

The few times that Feliciano did smile were always when he thought about his brother. Despite his brother seeming cold on the outside, he was protective and kinder to his little brother than anyone would have expected. Nights when Feliciano would be woken by a horrible nightmare, Lovino would calm him down and allow the smaller boy to share his bed. They were always seen together from the time that Feliciano was born. This dubbed them inseparable.

After the brothers lost their mother at a young age they were left with their Grandfather since their father left without a trace. Lovino was only two and his brother still a newborn. They loved being with their Grandfather growing up, there was never a dull moment with him. Feliciano had lost count by the time he was five how many days they planned to spend painting only to have his Grandfather begin a paint war. This memory brought another tiny smile to tug on the corners of Feliciano’s mouth.

Maybe it wasn’t all bad. He may be alone physically, but his memories were still with him. He’d never forget about all people he loved. His Grandfather, fratello, Francis, and the little blond haired boy. They were all safe and secure in his memories. Deep in his heart, Feliciano believed that he was going to be just fine even if the current moment didn’t show any proof of future happiness.

With this new mindset Feliciano had, he was able to smile again after months of showing little emotion. He started dancing again for enjoyment and even painted a few pictures that Roderich requested to be framed. Feliciano kept his sketchbook filled with his drawings of the blue eyed boy hidden in a drawer of his nightstand. He never opened the drawer for the fear that he would break down again after seeing his face.

So this was how the little Italian moved on. Masking his pain with a smile. This would work for the moment, but even he wondered if it would last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a long time to update this. I was going to post this chapter last week, but I forgot. There's going to be two chapters this week to make up for it though.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. I hope everyone is enjoying this so far.


	3. When We Become Numb

Before anyone had the chance to realize, three years had passed since the beginning of the war. The tiny Italian servant was celebrating his eleventh birthday. He had been feeling legitimately happy for the past year and a half.

Elizabeta had put in some extra effort for a birthday cake this year. A large chocolate cake with multiple levels that had been covered in white buttercream frosting. A few pink and green frosting flowers had been carefully placed in a ring around the top layer. She had even gone out of her way to buy gelato from the marketplace to go with the cake since she knew it was Feliciano’s favorite treat. Elizabeta had outdone herself this year and Feliciano felt that there wasn’t enough time left in his lifetime to show how much he appreciated it.

“Elizabeta, you didn’t have to do all this for me,” Feliciano had said when the cake and gelato were set in front of him.

“It was nothing. Seeing you smile made it all worth the effort,” She said with a smile of her own across her face.

Feliciano grinned from ear to ear hearing that. Although it made him feel guilty having not done anything special for Elizabeta on her birthdays. He made a mental note to plan something special for the next one.

Since he had been given the next couple of days off, Feliciano didn’t feel guilty about eating enough gelato and cake to render him immobile. He spent the afternoon in bliss with a stomach filled with sweets. He had received a few new art supplies from Roderich and Elizabeta as a birthday present which he had set on top of his dresser.

Feliciano went to bed that night, after a special dinner of pasta with a special spaghetti sauce, thinking about what he would draw the next day with his new art supplies. The boy hadn’t realized he had even fallen asleep until his eyelids fluttered open the next morning at the bright light shining in through the windows.

He quickly got dressed and grabbed his art supplies before skipping out the door. Feliciano always went to the same place by the river to paint. It reminded him of the time he used to spend with the other boy who loved him dearly. He decided to sit close to the water on a comfortable patch of grass. Maybe he would swim later as well.

Once a fresh sheet of paper was situated comfortably on his lap, Feliciano picked up a brand new pencil and began to draw. Line after line he sketched until the outline of a cute baby bunny formed. He hadn’t intended to draw a bunny, but sometimes his hands took on a mind of their own when drawing. Eventually, he put his pencil down and broke the seal on a set of water colors. The little artist filled a little cup he had brought along with water from the stream and placed it close to his side to wash his brush in.

With reasons unknown to him, Feliciano painted the bunny pink and colored tiny blue flowers around it’s feet in the bright green grass. After a while of painting, Feliciano set the canvas back to admire his work.

_Seems like it’s missing something_ , He thought. He poked his tongue out trying to think of what to add. _Oh, I know! A ribbon! That’s just what it needs. The bunny will be even cuter then!_ Feliciano smiled and picked up the paper to continue his work.

Suddenly there was a man behind the boy. Feliciano hadn’t noticed him until his voice rang out, “Bonjour Feli! What are you painting?” A thick french accent coated the question.

Feliciano whipped his head around to come face to face with a tall Frenchman. “Francis! You’re back!” He stood up and hugged his friend. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Feli. Look at how much you’ve grown!” Francis noted the height of the little Italian had gotten significantly taller. He came up to Francis’ chest rather than stomach now.

When Feliciano pulled away from the embrace, he couldn’t help but notice a thin scar that was forming horizontally over the frenchman’s neck. He shook his head brushing the thought of dangerous wars and fighting out of his head, it would only remind him of the doubt still sitting in the pit of his stomach.

After an afternoon spent with Francis by the river while finishing his painting, Feliciano realized an important detail about his friend’s return. As they were walking back to Roderich’s house, he decided to ask.

“Francis, if you’re back now, does that mean that everyone else is returning as well?” Feliciano asked.

“Yes, many soldiers have been sent home. They’ll all be back in the coming days,” He replied.

“So, the little boy that I used to play with all the time will be back soon then?” The boy’s eyes sparkled and he smiled.

Francis’ calm expression immediately took on a new one filled with anxiety. He chewed his lip and took in a deep breath. He had assumed Feliciano had forgotten about that boy, but now he was faced with the question he had been the most worried about answering.

“Feli, I’m sorry, but your friend will not be returning. He disappeared soon after he was released for war and no one could find him. We all thought that he died,” Francis looked down at the ground.

“But that’s impossible. He promised that he would come back because he loves me. He would never break a promise to me,” Feliciano’s face fell.

This was exactly what the Frenchman was dreading. Feliciano was in denial about what he just heard.

“I know this is hard to understand, but he’s gone, Feli. He won’t be coming back,” Francis couldn’t make eye contact with the boy looking up at him.

Feliciano couldn’t break his eye contact though. He was frozen, mind blank. All in the same moment, his heart had been shattered and his body emptied. The Frenchman above him could feel the gaze burning into him.

The young Italian sank to the ground. He knew what this all meant and it hit him hard, just as it had when the boy left in the beginning. He threw his head back and screamed. What he as feeling was the most intense agony he had ever experienced. The screams were soon accompanied by broken cries. Tears flooded his eyes and down his cheeks. Francis couldn’t do anything to comfort him so he turned on his heels to return home.

Feliciano looked at the ground. He could see that the dirt had smudged on his knees, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Even his knees gave out on him and he was left by himself lying on the ground. Tears continued to fall and make tiny spots on the dirt path.

With all the crying the boy had done, he didn’t notice when the skies opened and began to rain. It had turned out to be a cold day, and Feliciano had forgotten his coat as usual. The young boy shivered and hugged his knees to his chest, still unable to bring himself to a standing position.

Why hadn’t he kept his promise? He said that he’d come back. He said he loved me so why didn’t he keep his promise? Feliciano thought. There was no stopping the tails of tears marking the boy’s face. Once again, he felt alone and empty. Despite being no stranger to these feelings, they still hurt just as much.

It wasn’t until it was completely pouring that Elizabeta had come to find him. Feliciano was still in the same place on the ground, but completely soaked at this point. Luckily, Elizabeta had brought his coat for him. She knelt by the shivering mass on the ground and gathered him in her arms. He may have been a bit bigger now, but that wouldn’t stop Elizabeta for acting motherly around him.

“Oh, Feli. I’m sorry. Francis came by and told me everything,” She stroked his hair in comfort, but it only brought about a new wave of lamenting from the small boy. His cries had been reinvigorated by the little act of comfort and they were almost louder than before.

“Shh, shh, It’s okay. It’s okay,” Elizabeta cooed. Tears were welling up in her own eyes from seeing how much pain Feliciano was in. She knew there was nothing she could do but wait it out.

And that she did. Roughly half an hour later, with now soaked clothes sticking to her body, Elizabeta was finally able to pick Feliciano up to take him home. He was calmer, but still sniffling. His eyes no longer held the same light they had before. They were dark, void of any emotion now. Elizabeta couldn’t make eye contact with him after her first glimpse.

The little boy went straight to bed once he got home. Elizabeta had offered to run a bath for him or make him some snacks, but he refused and walked straight to his room. There he flopped down on his bed without taking off his damp clothes and continued to whimper. All his tears had dried up and he was too tired to continue with the intense wails he previously let out. Eventually, he curled up into a ball and stared at the wall until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the week is officially here. I hope that it is good for everyone.  
> If anyone catches spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. errors, please let me know! I do my best with editing, but I am my own editor so I'm sure there are a few things that have slipped by.  
> Words of love and kudos are always appreciated by me, so don't be afraid to leave me some love. It lets me know you're enjoying my writing. Thank you so much for reading!


	4. I Can't Lie To You Fratello

The next morning, Feliciano got up at his normal time, but by no means was he the same cheerful boy. This boy was a stranger to the other servants of the house. Even Roderich noticed the difference. He would have to be an idiot to not see the changes in the usually bubbly Italian.

Roderich couldn’t afford to spend time worrying about Feliciano today though. He had his own matters to attend to. Antonio was coming to discuss financial problems with him. Feliciano was only aware of this after he heard a semi-familiar voice coming from Roderichs meeting room while he was sweeping the hallway. It wasn’t a voice he knew from the house staff, but he knew he had heard it before. Feliciano peeked through the keyhole of the door. He couldn’t help his curiosity. Sure enough, the Spaniard was sitting across from Roderich with a pile of paperwork between them. 

While their conversation was of little interest to him, something else was. A boy who was not much bigger than himself we sitting in a chair next to Antonio. Feliciano recognized the dark hair and gravity defying curl closely resembling his own.

“Lovino!” He gasped a little louder than intended.

All three people in the room turned to look towards the door. Curse the paper thin walls in this house.

“I think you have an eavesdropper,” Antonio joked towards Roderich.

The two older men stood and walked towards the door. A mix of emotions flipped through Feliciano’s mind and some went straight to his stomach making in a bit nauseous. He was frightened about being caught, but excited to see his brother again. It had been years since the last time they met. The door was opened, revealing a cross Austrian and a joyful Spaniard.

“Feliciano! It’s been so long! You’re just as cute as I remember!” Antonio squealed and dived in for a hug, causing Feliciano to drop his broom.

Lovino let out an exaggerated scoff and turned to shoot daggers from his eyes at Antonio. Feliciano's excitement turned to fear again at the sight of his brother’s fowl mood. Something had obviously changed in his brother. He was no longer the same caring Lovio that Feliciano had known all those years back. Feliciano accepted the hug from Antonio, but never broke eye contact with his fratello.

The older male released Feliciano and turned to his brother. “Lovi, come greet your brother. How long has it been since the last time you saw him?” Antonio asked.

Lovino sighed and rolled his eyes, but nevertheless, gave Feliciano a half hearted hug. “Ciao, Feli,” He mumbled.

Feliciano pulled his brother closer much to the other’s dismay. “It’s been so long Lovi,” He whimpered. A few tears dripped out the corners of his eyes and he sniffled.

“Hey! Don’t get your snot all over me! Get off,” Lovino pushed his younger sibling away.

As Lovino wriggled out of Feliciano’s grip, he couldn’t help but notice how dark his brother’s eyes were. What was once a golden caramel color was now a dull dark brown. He tried to brush off the unsettling look and keep his composure, but found it difficult to do so while keeping eye contact with Feliciano.

Silence fell heavy within the meeting room while the two young Italians stared at each other. Roderich could feel the tension rising between the boys so he was the first to speak up, attempting to break it.

“Why don’t you two go to the kitchen and have some sweets?” Roderich suggested. “Elizabeta baked a cake early this morning. Help yourselves while Antonio and I finish up here.”

Feliciano merely nodded without actually looking up and motioned for Lovino to follow him to the kitchen.

None of the other servants were in the kitchen. The only thing of note was the large cake with pink and green frosting sitting neatly in the middle of the counter. Neither sibling spoke while Feliciano cut two slices of cake and handed one to Lovino on a small plate.

“Thanks,” He muttered and sat down to eat.

Feliciano sat directly across from him and stared at his own piece of cake for a moment before taking a bite. 

“Elizabeta makes the best cake. It’s always so rich no matter what flavor it is,” Feliciano said. His usual cheerful tone was replaced with monotone when he spoke. This brought Lovino’s attention back to his brother’s eyes.

While he still felt uneasy looking into Feliciano’s darkened eyes, Lovino was able to thoroughly examine them if they didn’t make direct contact with his own. With Feliciano distracted with his cake, the older boy had the opportunity to figure out what was wrong with him.

Lovino may not have been the most compassionate person, but he was able to tell right away when there was something off with his brother. It didn’t surprise him that Feliciano was still babbling about different flavors of cake and frosting, but it was odd that the tone of his voice was staying consistent at a low mumble.

“This is about  _ him  _ isn’t it?” Lovino interrupted right when Feliciano began fawning over the cherry frosting Elizabeta had topped the cake with. 

“What?” Feliciano looked up and connected their gazes. His darkened brown orbs never lightened.

“I knew it. What happened with that little blond boy you were running around with all those years ago when I was here last?” Lovino raised an eyebrow.

Feliciano swallowed hard and looked away from his elder sibling. “He’s gone,” He whispered.

“Did he move away or something? Surely, you’ll see him again sometime,” Lovino asked.

“No, he didn’t move away. I’ll never see him again though,” His words were barely audible.

“Don’t be so down Feli, I’m positive you’ll see him again,” Lovino offered up a true grin.

Feliciano shook his head and furiously rubbed his eyes, trying not to cry. “Lovi, I’ll never see him again because he’s dead!”

The smile Lovino worked so hard to get on his face was gone instantaneously when he heard those words.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“He went off to war. Francis returned, but he didn’t. Francis told me that the boy had disappeared and had never been found so they assumed he was dead,” Feliciano explained with a wobbly voice. He would have lied about everything that had happened. If only he had the time to fabricate such a story, but he knew Lovino deserved to know the truth.

Lovino was speechless. He was frozen in place racking his mind for something to say. There was a mix of emotions in his mind towards that blue eyed boy. Lovino never liked him much, but that dislike was amplified into hatred since he had hurt Feliciano by leaving. It didn’t matter that the boy had gone off to war and died, he left Lovino’s beloved little brother behind.

“Is everything alright, fratello?” Feliciano asked when Lovino hadn’t spoken for a few minutes.

“Everything’s fine,” Lovino spoke flatly. 

He knew that by voicing his opinions on the matter would only distress Feliciano that much more. His best option was to stay quiet about it until he had his emotions sorted out.

They finished their cake in silence while they waited for Antonio and Roderich. The pair filed in soon after Feliciano had cleaned up the dishes. Everyone sat down at the table again, Roderich next to Feliciano and Antonio next to Lovino. 

Feliciano couldn’t help but notice that when Antonio sat down, Lovino scooted his chair closer to him and gripped his hand in his own smaller ones. In a way, Feliciano was jealous. His own family, his fratello, had been oddly cold towards him since they reunited that morning and yet Lovino was being more loving towards the man he never wanted to be raised by in the first place. What was going on between them? Feliciano could only guess.

Roderich and Antonio had been discussing some new matters, but Feliciano was tuned out. He was still staring at Lovino and Antonio’s interlocking hands when he heard his brother speak out.

“Hey, bastards! Haven’t you noticed anything going on with Feliciano? You’d have to be denser than a rock to let it fly over your heads!” Lovino’s bottled up rage was overflowing.

Feliciano stayed silent as Lovino ranted to the adults.

“Why haven’t you done anything for him? He’s not the same happy servant you had before Roderich! Do something about it!” Lovino yelled across the table.

“Lovino, I have noticed Feliciano’s change in attitude. However, there seems to be nothing any of us here can do for him. He has lost someone he loves,” Roderich responded calmly.

Antonio placed his free hand under Lovino’s chin and make him look up. “Lovi, I know you want Feliciano to be happy, but if he has lost someone dear to him, only time will heal those wounds,” Antonio explained. 

Lovino yanked his head back to free himself from having to look into Antonio’s eyes. He’d had enough of examining people's emotions through their eyes. It wasn’t a skill he wanted to reinforce.

He muttered something under his breath that sounded faintly like, “Stupid Spaniard,” but no one commented further.  
Silence coated the room once more for a few minutes until the older men began discussing matters foreign to the young brothers. Feliciano busied himself with counting the flowers on the tablecloth so he wasn’t forced to look at Lovino who was carefully examining Antonio’s hand. This carried on until Feliciano excused himself to finish his chores.

He hopped off the chair and rushed out of the room to find his broom and finish sweeping the hall. Lovino followed him quietly.

Feliciano was in such a daze that he failed to notice Lovino right behind him until he spoke.

“Feli, is there anything anyone can do?” Lovino asked.

“No,” Feliciano muttered.

Lovino had a number of questions carefully laid out in his mind to ask.

“Do you draw anymore?”

“Not really.”

“Sing?”

“No.”

“Dance?”

“No.”

“Have you cooked anything lately?”

“No.”

“And do you feel alright?” Was Lovino’s last question.

“Yes,” Feliciano was obviously lying.

“No, you’re not. I can tell just from the sound of your voice,” Lovino sighed. “Are you sure that there’s nothing anyone can do? I can’t stand back and watch you destroy yourself from the inside out.”

“I’m fine Lovi. You can go back home with Antonio and not have to worry about me,” Feliciano tried to reassure him.

“Feli, I know you’re not alright. You’re not, well, you! Where’s the singing, the dancing, the drawing, and smiling? You haven’t smiled once since I’ve been here. In no way are you ‘fine’, Feli,” Lovino huffed.

“You can’t talk much fratello. You’ve changed too. You’re pushy, impatient, and grumpy! That’s not the Lovi I know either!” Feliciano grumped back.

“I have a right to be grumpy! I’m being forced to live with that Spanish bastard!” Lovino shouted.

“It sure doesn’t seem like you hate him as much as you say. You wouldn’t let go of his hand earlier! What’s going on between you two?” Feliciano crossed his arms.

“Nothing! I was bored is all,” Lovino mimicked Feliciano and also crossed his arms across his chest, but the redness dusting his cheeks was betraying his lie.

“Your face is saying otherwise, fratello,” Feliciano pressed on.

“Alright, fine! Maybe I do like the bastard a bit, but that doesn’t mean anything!” Lovino admitted.

Pleased with the information he had forced out, Feliciano dropped his arms and looked at the floor. “It must be nice,” He muttered.

“What?”

“Having someone to love.” A few tears welled up, threatening to spill over Feliciano’s eyes, but he rubbed at them roughly to prevent it. “Does he love you back?”

“I don’t know. Not like I care if he does or not,” Lovino shrugged.

“Sure you care. Anyone would hope that the person they love loved them back,” Feliciano grabbed his brother's hands in his. 

“I told you, I don’t care,” Lovino looked away from his brother.

“You know that’s not true. I’m sure he loves you too. You’ll be so happy one day soon when you can be with him for real,” Feliciano’s eyes regained a tiny sparkle with those words.

Lovino half smiled and shrugged again. “Okay Feli, whatever you say.”

“Lovi! It’s almost time to go, are you ready?” Antonio came up behind the two boys.

Lovino nodded and Feliciano released his hands. Antonio held out a hand for Lovino to take. The younger boy took the offered hand and waved a goodbye to his brother before turning to walk back.

“Goodbye little Feli! We’ll come back to visit soon!” Antonio grinned before also turning and walking away.

Feliciano was once again left to himself to finish his chores. Inside, he felt a bit of happiness from seeing his brother again, but also a tinge of sadness creeping up on him form the reunion being so short. He wondered when they would come back. Would Antonio keep his word? Feliciano had no way of knowing, but held onto the hope that Antonio was an honest man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I finally got a burst of inspiration and free time to get another chapter done! As always, comments and kudos are welcome! Thank you for reading!


	5. I'm Healing, Can't You See?

Feliciano carried on with his usual routine day after day for the following years. Antonio did manage to keep his word, and brought Lovino along to visit several times when they had more financial meetings. 

Even though he was never mentioned, Feliciano was never able to get that little blue eyed boy out of his mind. Elizabeta tried to convince Feliciano to flirt with some of the girls at the market when he entered his teen years, but he did so only light heartedly. He had to admit, he liked the pretty Austrian and Hungarian girls who lived around and he flirted with them on a regular basis. They would bring him sweets and other small trinkets, but the young Italian never found much true attraction to them. Even though he had never dated a girl, he brushed it off as not finding the right person.

On one beautiful summer morning, the whole house was busy with some very important preparations. Roderich had finally proposed to Elizabeta. They had always been close, and Elizabeta was one of Roderich’s best friends in a few weeks after she started working for him. Eventually, they had started dating. It was never announced that they had been officially going out, but everyone assumed since both of them made it so obvious. They stared at each other like junior high students and would blush wildly if they caught one another's gaze. 

Feliciano was no stranger to the concept of love and all the accompanying factors thanks to Francis, so when he saw Elizabeta walking back to her room early one morning, a little wobbly at that, wearing one of Roderich’s button down shirts, he couldn’t help but blush and smile. He had grown to love both Roderich and Elizabeta and wanted nothing more than for them to be happy together.

The Italian boy had offered to make the wedding invitations himself for the happy couple months in advance. He drew lovely flowers of various colors on each invitation, no two were exactly alike. Elizabeta had cried big, happy tears when she saw them and she hugged Feliciano tight. Soon all the invites got sent out and all that remained was Elizabeta’s dress.

All the maids in the house pitched in to help with designing and sewing the dress. Elizabeta wasn’t by any means flashy, and she wanted something simple. Nevertheless, she was stunning in the white silk gown with subtle lace accents. Roderich seemed to think so too. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor when he saw her walking down the aisle.

The wedding itself was beautiful. White and purple flowers were everywhere, on the tables, around the pillars outside, and completely covering the altar in the garden. Everyone was dressed in sharp suits or bight flowing dresses. Feliciano himself had a light blue suit personalized for the occasion since he was beginning to feel the frilly dresses were a bit too childish. Light, happy music filled the air for the dances and not a single person was left out. Even Lovino was encouraged to dance by Antonio who dragged the begrudging boy onto the dance floor. 

Feliciano had lost count of how many guests he himself had danced with before the night was even half over. Of course he remembered dancing with Elizabeta and Lovino, but other than that, the rest went by in a blur. 

Of course there was the memory of how much he used to dance with that bright blue eyed boy when they were children. Feliciano imagined what he would look like now if he were still alive. Twenty years old, all grown up. Would his hair be long or short? Definitely shorter, the idea of that boy with hair as long as Francis’ made him let out a short snort of laughter under his breath. 

Those eyes wouldn’t have changed at all. Still as sparkly and deep as they were before. If that boy had stayed, Feliciano could have taught him to dance better. They could have been doing the waltz right now. Feliciano could imagine how the older man would place his hands carefully around his waist. His own on the other’s shoulders. They’d move in harmony across the hardwood floor, shoes tapping in tune to the rhythm.

During a slow dance, Feliciano would be able to rest his head on the blond’s chest and listen to his heartbeat. He had no doubts that his childhood friend would have surpassed him in height even more than he already had before he left. Swaying from side to side to the classical music, they could gaze into each other’s eyes, not even needing to communicate with words. 

After their dance was over, they could share one of the most passionate kisses. How soft would that man’s lips be? Would he be rough, or gentle? Feliciano thought for sure that his imagination wouldn't be able to do the real experience justice if it were possible to experience it. Oh, how nice that would be!

Feliciano teared up a bit in his fantasy, but shoved the despair down, focusing instead on how happy that event would make him. He couldn’t continue to sink back down every time he thought of that boy. While Roderich had been right, only time will heal this kind of wound, Feliciano knew that he would never heal completely. The scars would be left on his heart forever. He had lost his first love after all, no one ever escapes that kind of depression without a scratch. 

Even though his imagination had set a slight ache on his heart, Feliciano continued to laugh and enjoy himself with the rest of the wedding guests. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had been smiling for so long, and his change in expression didn’t go by unnoticed.

“You seem to be in a much better mood, Feli,” a Spanish voice chirped from behind him while he helped himself to one of the numerous sweets from the dessert table.

“Ah, ciao Antonio! Yes, I have been feeling much better recently,” Feliciano found that he wasn’t lying this time when confronted about his feelings. He was recovering well from his depression and everyone had noticed the original Feliciano returning to the house. 

“That’s great! Say, Feli, how old are you now?” Antonio asked.

“Fifteen. You should know that, Lovi is only two years older than me and we share the same birthday,” Feliciano giggled.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure. Haven’t you found a girl to your liking yet?” Antonio winked.

Feliciano blushed, “Not yet.” He decided to flip the topic fast before he got bombarded with more questions regarding his tastes in women, “What about you?” He asked.

“Well, I did find someone, not exactly a girl though,” Antonio grinned and averted his gaze. Feliciano followed it and found where Antonio had directed his attention. Not exactly a where, but a who. The Spaniard was looking directly at Feliciano’s own brother sitting a few tables away, quietly placing a spoonful of cake in his mouth.

“My fratello?” Feliciano cocked his head to the side.

Lovino seemed to sense he was being watched. He turned his head to glare at the two across the room and even made the extra effort to flip off Antonio, which no one else noticed, before shifting his focus back to his cake.

Antonio chuckled, “Yes, little Lovi. He’s just so cute.” A small, dreamy sigh escaped his lips after the word ‘cute’.

Feliciano giggled again. He wasn’t surprised that his brother and Antonio were now together, yet it amused him that Antonio found Lovino’s grouchiness adorable. He felt a bit bad for the older man, how much of Lovino’s insults and complaining did he listen to throughout the day? Feliciano assumed that Antonio must have found it all worthwhile for whatever love Lovino gave him in the end and that thought made the small Italian smile.

“I sure hope you don’t mind, Feli,” Antonio broke Feliciano out of his train of thought.

“Don’t mind what?” Feliciano questioned.

“That your brother and I are lovers,” Antonio looked genuinely worried, as though he thought Feliciano would resent him for loving his brother. 

“Oh, not at all! I’m glad that he has someone so patient and caring to look after him. I know Lovi can get himself into trouble a lot, so it’s a good thing that he has you now,” Feliciano turned and flashed a wide smile to show his acceptance.

“That’s so nice, thank you!” Antonio couldn’t contain his glee. He ran over to Lovino while yelling, “Lovi, guess what? Your little brother gave us his blessing! We have nothing to worry about now!”

The older Italian twin glanced up from his cake in confusion. “He what?! Feliciano?” Lovino looked to his younger brother for an explanation, but all Feliciano offered was a smile and a wave before turning back to the dessert table.

Lovino continued to complain while Antonio dragged him back onto the dance floor to celebrate gaining Feliciano’s blessing. Feliciano could overhear him yelling, “I don’t need his blessing! I hate you, stupid tomato bastard!”

The cake did look pretty good, so he picked up one of the small plates and went to find a seat in the garden. Dusk was settling in, so most of the lights had turned on outside and illuminated the garden in a soft glow. Roderich and Elizabeta were already there, surrounded by several other friends and family. Elizabeta waved Feliciano over and offered him the chair next to her. He gladly accepted and chatted idly with the other crowding guests while he enjoyed the cake.

“What are you up to Feliciano? I thought for sure that you’d be off visiting with your brother,” Elizabeta asked.

“Lovino’s a bit busy at the moment,” Feliciano chuckled remembering Antonio dragging his short fused twin to dance.

“Busy? Oh, with Antonio I presume?” She giggled. “I hope they’re having fun.”

“I’m sure they’re both enjoying themselves now,” Feliciano reassured her.

The last few hours of the wedding passed with plenty more eating and drinking. Soon the guests were bidding farewells and heading home. Antonio and Lovino were the last to leave.

“Thank you so much for coming,” Roderich extended a hand to Antonio only to be hugged tight by the Spanish man instead.

“You’re welcome! Congratulations mi amigo!” He said in a thicker accent than usual. It was donning on everyone that Antonio had drank a bit too much throughout the night.

He hugged Feliciano before clumsily grabbing Lovino’s hand and trying to walk to their car. The Spaniard made it only a few steps before tripping and using Lovino to balance himself.

“Ugh, bastard, you reek of booze. There’s no way I’m letting you drive us home,” Lovino muttered, but continued to let the taller man lean heavily on him while they stumbled to the car.

Lovino shoved the intoxicated Antonio in the passenger seat, got in on the driver's side and waved to Feliciano as they drove off.

Looking around the house, Feliciano, Elizabeta and Roderich all sighed. There was so much to clean up, but it was almost midnight and everyone was exhausted.

“It can wait until morning,” Roderich decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this chapter! As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


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